I used to be the girl who looked in the mirror and pointed.. literally pointed to every dimple and scar. I said both out loud and in my head how fat, ugly, and icky I was. All of my “goals” were about changing my appearance or changing a bad habit that I felt made me unworthy. I was so discontent with who I was on the inside that it bubbled up through my entire being.
When I made the actual decision to make a positive change in my life my mind is the first thing that had to change. I had been talking to myself through a filter of negativity. I had to train my brain to speak the positive.
When it came to my physical appearance and weight, I had to choose to stop getting on the scale. I was more than the number on the scale. My worth wasn’t defined by what the BMI number was.
But it wasn’t just as easy as saying, I’m no longer going to say that. I literally had to correct my inner voice. When I said out loud, I’m going to take better care of myself and my inner voice would speak up and say but you won’t, I had to literally tell it to shut up. And I did that all day long. I talked to myself. Correcting the voice in my head. Oh yes I will, I will do better.
I had to stop speaking in I want tos… I want to read every day. Instead saying I will read everyday. Instead of I want to stretch every morning, I am stretching every morning.
I left (I still do this) little sticky notes on every surface that was my space… my bathroom mirror, my full length mirror, my night stand, my desk.. of what traits I want to exhibit or affirmations I need to say to myself. “You are beautiful” “You are enough” “You are consistent” “ You are motivated” “People want to hear from you”. Those are some of the things I started with, and sometimes still have up. I change these out on a weekly basis depending on the reminder I need during that week.
Slowly my focus began shifting on how I was feeling, in all of the ways. I stopped focusing on the weight loss and focused on how I felt. I stopped focusing on a number and started focusing on my progress. Progress not perfection. And slowly the feeling of failure disappeared and accomplishment took its place.
I’m seeing that across all areas of my life, not just my physical being, but in my mental and spiritual wellness. In my relationships with family. In my mom boss life. I can go into situations now with a positive outlook rather than concentrating on all the ways the sky could fall.
I wrote this blog about a year ago, it was posted on my other site. But it still rings true. This was my F I R S T step – it was the jump off of the cliff. And it really did give me my life back!
This is such a process, I’m still working on it daily. But I’ve made massive strides. Keep checking in on Instagram as we keep tackling this together!